Ha! It seems my query spawned VMware to create a KB article, just for little ol' me. I'm sure they thought previously that no one could screw up that much, but I proved 'em wrong.
Anyway, if anyone wonders, the new article is http://kb.vmware.com/kb/2043378
Now I need to figure out how to edit the db since I was only using SQL express and the Management Studio won't install.... but that's a problem for another company.
Thanks to VMware for the answer to this one, how do I award those points?